Sad

A few weeks ago, I hired some house help. I spend 4-5 hours in the kitchen a day and 1-2 hours a day on different chores here. So with homeschooling starting, I thought it would be a good idea to get some help. Then the girl from next door showed up. She just graduated from high school and needs money for college. Perfect.

So the first week started up a bit bumpy... she was SLOW and wouldn't do what I asked. So I decided training was in order. I wrote a list and discussed my expectations with her. Since then she has done a great job. I was so happy.

Then my perfume disappeared. Well I'm a scatterbrain, so I didn't jump to conclusions. But it hasn't turned up, now two weeks later. Then yesterday, I forgot to put away my wallet (couldn't find it) and then during her time here, I found it and there was money missing. Again, I tried to not jump to conclusions. I wasn't sure so I discussed it with Peter when he came home. He and I went over the money together and I am sure I was there.

I was so sad yesterday. I really want/need help, but I don't want to be constantly looking over my shoulder or watching her like a hawk. That is more trouble than help. I'd rather wash the floor myself. ;)

It makes me sad on many different levels. I cannot understand the Mongolian mindset that stealing is OK as long as you don't get caught. If I were in her position, the only employed person in her household and really wanting to move to the city to go to college, I would be trying to be the best employee possible. I would not want to bite the hand that feeds me, so to speak.

I was thinking, "wow, she is doing a great job. I could recommend her to another family in the city." I knew most of her money was going to her family, and I was thinking of giving her a gift at the end of the summer to help her with college. Now I'm not even sure if I'll let her back in the house.

I realized today, it makes me sad on another level.... it points out my loneliness. I am here and if I cannot trust anyone, I am utterly alone! It is not a nice thought. It is also not true, there are people that I can trust--- I just don't know where they are yet. :)

Today when I hung up with my mom on skype, my loneliness was so clear to me... I laid down on the ground and cried.

It is sad, but not the end of the world. I am glad to put my finger on why yesterday's breech of trust was so upsetting---- it is lonely in a world with no trust.

So as I laid there on the ground behind the couch crying, hiding from my kids, I turned to God. Only God can make our hard times here make sense. He is working everything out. He is the righteous Judge. He is the gracious Savior.

Then my kids came--- Weston said, "My why are you sniffing?" I told him I wanted him to brush my hair and get my pillow. He LOVES playing barber. So I laid there on my wonderful pillow that I got for mother's day and for which I am so thankful daily, and dried my tears and let my wonderful children comfort me. Weston brushed my hair, "perfectly straight and slow because I am a gentle barber!" and Sierra sat on my pack and pounded around. I imagined it was a massage! The truth of the matter came to me again. I am not alone, my kids are here!

While I lay there blubbering like a child and hiding my tears from my dear children. I thought, "What can redeem this day and how can I entertain my children?" The word came to me like a lighting bolt.... PLAYDOUGH!

We haven't had playdough in a while. I knew it would entertain them while I did dishes. So I gave them each a bowl and we made some. Sierra's is yellow and Weston's was, "all the colors of the rainbow" now it is brown!!! It was fun to make it and then not care if it all got swished into one brown blob. (for some reason, I cannot allow this with store bought playdough)

Another great benefit to homemade--- Sierra can play with it too because there is so much salt in it that even she (the poison drinker/pill eater) couldn't choke it down!

1 cup flour

1/2 salt

1 teaspoon cream of tartar or alum (makes it smooth)

1/2 teaspoon of water

and food coloring.

The recipe for a saved day!!! :)