Something to think about

God’s Purpose or Mine?
He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side . . . —Mark 6:45
We tend to think that if Jesus Christ compels us to do something and we are obedient to Him, He will lead us to great success. We should never have the thought that our dreams of success are God’s purpose for us. In fact, His purpose may be exactly the opposite.

We have the idea that God is leading us toward a particular end or a desired goal, but He is not. The question of whether or not we arrive at a particular goal is of little importance, and reaching it becomes merely an episode along the way. What we see as only the process of reaching a particular end, God sees as the goal itself.

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish— His purpose is the process itself.

What He desires for me is that I see "Him walking on the sea" with no shore, no success, nor goal in sight, but simply having the absolute certainty that everything is all right because I see "Him walking on the sea" ( Mark 6:49 ).

It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God. God’s training is for now, not later. His purpose is for this very minute, not for sometime in the future. We have nothing to do with what will follow our obedience, and we are wrong to concern ourselves with it. What people call preparation, God sees as the goal itself.

God’s purpose is to enable me to see that He can walk on the storms of my life right now. If we have a further goal in mind, we are not paying enough attention to the present time. However, if we realize that moment-by-moment obedience is the goal, then each moment as it comes is precious.
Oswald Chambers

Can you believe this

Today I was sweeping my kitchen floor and then I saw a little piece of grass... GROWING. "No way," I thought. Yep. There it grew, under my water barrel. I couldn't believe it!

I looked a little farther down and found it was a popcorn kernel that got trapped under there, with all that moisture, and it sprouted!

Did I mention, I am a fabulous housekeeper? ;)

no news is good news

Let's see? Something to write about? Hmmm... we'll there is simply no news.

Here is a stream of conscience...

It's cool- 70. Corn is STILL knee high. Children are continuing to grow. Weston is writing a lot more and happily, which is amazing. Sierra is babbling a lot more!- still no words. I am in contact with a speech therapist and we are working on her talking.

Home schooling is slow. Not motivated to start all the way. Still feeling my way around.

Peter is still teaching two classes. I still wash 3 loads of dishes a day and I am still in my pajamas. It's 5pm- sad. I finished doing the laundry so that I can change my clothes. My laundry machine is breaking. My camera is broken. I can't take pictures so my blog will be even more boring than this terrible post.

ha ha. I am silly... sorry for wasting that 30 seconds of your life.... thanks for reading.

Tomorrow I will write some of what I've been reading about culture. Can't do it today... pajamas don't inspire good writing habits, or life habits either for that matter.

weeds---

I haven't been a good gardener this year! I haven't weeded my garden. It is amazing how weeds grow. If vegetables grew that fast, there wouldn't be one hungry person on the earth!

This morning it was cooler, so I went out to weed- to actually UNCOVER some of my plants. I was struck again how this is a great illustration to my spiritual life.

Often I am lazy, not reading the Bible, praying, memorizing the Word. I think oh, it's fine. I know that I am still growing.

My garden so clearly illustrates how doing nothing, isn't really nothing. It is neglect. The good will be overtaken with weeds... the little seeds of faith will be choked out. My sinful mind will overtake the baby plants of love, joy, gentleness, self control. I will be overrun.

I lie to myself and think, "oh it's fine...the field is just empty.... not so- it is filling with weeds."

Guess what we had for dinner?

Green beans (and Thai casserole)--- they were so good. My garden is SLOWLY growing. I bought these at the market. I made them the Bunnell way steamed with chopped onion, butter and salt. SO GOOD!

We haven't seen anything but cabbage and carrots for awhile, so we all ate our greens first, like candy!

Guess what we're having tomorrow? Broccoli!

Introducing...Sierra Pixie

I think it suits her high swinging, rough housing, and bubbly personality. I didn't style her hair... it is just that thick and beautiful!

Sierra's hair is always a mess, partially because I am lazy about it and partially because she runs and hides every time I get a brush. She rips out all rubberbands and rubs out every style or even just a ponytail. There is always all manner of goo in her hair and today at the end of our playdough extravaganza there was a blob of that in there and that sealed it. I got the scissors.

I think I put the blunt in blunt cut! I got this idea this morning--- a blunt cut for Sierra. I pushed it out of my mind. Then later I thought about it again and five minutes later I was cutting her hair. http://www.hairfinder.com/techniques/blunthaircut.htm This site had great instructions and wa-la a new cut for our girl.

The first direction said, around chin length. I sat Sierra at the table with some toys, some play dough and a bottle of water. I separated it and pinned it up, I brushed in some conditioner so that I could get through the tangles.... and I snipped- a lot shorter than I had planned.... AHHH!!! Right then I got the feeling I was crazy and almost stopped, but I couldn't. I snipped and snipped. She got tired of playing. I got her a snack. She got tired of eating, and I got a movie. I put it on and finished the job. It's not perfect and the bangs are a little short, but at least we can see her eyes again!

Sad

A few weeks ago, I hired some house help. I spend 4-5 hours in the kitchen a day and 1-2 hours a day on different chores here. So with homeschooling starting, I thought it would be a good idea to get some help. Then the girl from next door showed up. She just graduated from high school and needs money for college. Perfect.

So the first week started up a bit bumpy... she was SLOW and wouldn't do what I asked. So I decided training was in order. I wrote a list and discussed my expectations with her. Since then she has done a great job. I was so happy.

Then my perfume disappeared. Well I'm a scatterbrain, so I didn't jump to conclusions. But it hasn't turned up, now two weeks later. Then yesterday, I forgot to put away my wallet (couldn't find it) and then during her time here, I found it and there was money missing. Again, I tried to not jump to conclusions. I wasn't sure so I discussed it with Peter when he came home. He and I went over the money together and I am sure I was there.

I was so sad yesterday. I really want/need help, but I don't want to be constantly looking over my shoulder or watching her like a hawk. That is more trouble than help. I'd rather wash the floor myself. ;)

It makes me sad on many different levels. I cannot understand the Mongolian mindset that stealing is OK as long as you don't get caught. If I were in her position, the only employed person in her household and really wanting to move to the city to go to college, I would be trying to be the best employee possible. I would not want to bite the hand that feeds me, so to speak.

I was thinking, "wow, she is doing a great job. I could recommend her to another family in the city." I knew most of her money was going to her family, and I was thinking of giving her a gift at the end of the summer to help her with college. Now I'm not even sure if I'll let her back in the house.

I realized today, it makes me sad on another level.... it points out my loneliness. I am here and if I cannot trust anyone, I am utterly alone! It is not a nice thought. It is also not true, there are people that I can trust--- I just don't know where they are yet. :)

Today when I hung up with my mom on skype, my loneliness was so clear to me... I laid down on the ground and cried.

It is sad, but not the end of the world. I am glad to put my finger on why yesterday's breech of trust was so upsetting---- it is lonely in a world with no trust.

So as I laid there on the ground behind the couch crying, hiding from my kids, I turned to God. Only God can make our hard times here make sense. He is working everything out. He is the righteous Judge. He is the gracious Savior.

Then my kids came--- Weston said, "My why are you sniffing?" I told him I wanted him to brush my hair and get my pillow. He LOVES playing barber. So I laid there on my wonderful pillow that I got for mother's day and for which I am so thankful daily, and dried my tears and let my wonderful children comfort me. Weston brushed my hair, "perfectly straight and slow because I am a gentle barber!" and Sierra sat on my pack and pounded around. I imagined it was a massage! The truth of the matter came to me again. I am not alone, my kids are here!

While I lay there blubbering like a child and hiding my tears from my dear children. I thought, "What can redeem this day and how can I entertain my children?" The word came to me like a lighting bolt.... PLAYDOUGH!

We haven't had playdough in a while. I knew it would entertain them while I did dishes. So I gave them each a bowl and we made some. Sierra's is yellow and Weston's was, "all the colors of the rainbow" now it is brown!!! It was fun to make it and then not care if it all got swished into one brown blob. (for some reason, I cannot allow this with store bought playdough)

Another great benefit to homemade--- Sierra can play with it too because there is so much salt in it that even she (the poison drinker/pill eater) couldn't choke it down!

1 cup flour

1/2 salt

1 teaspoon cream of tartar or alum (makes it smooth)

1/2 teaspoon of water

and food coloring.

The recipe for a saved day!!! :)