She was diagnosed with moderate to severe apraxia and is starting ongoing therapy on Monday and Wednesday at 11 am.
Here are some questions in my mind----
How long with it take to hear my sweet baby's voice? I don't know.
What are we going to do? I don't know.
What will we do about our house in Mongolia for now? I don't know.
Is God directing us away from Mongolia permanently? I don't know.
What will Peter do for work while we wait to hear our dear girl's thoughts? I don't know.
Are we going to go back to Mongolia to pack some stuff for this extended time in the USA? I don't know.
I am a total mess. I must admit, it is the first time in a long time that I didn't know what "the plan" is and I am numb.
I know that God is moving. I can see Him in the wind that is our life. I can see Him as he provided a car and a home for free. I can see Him in our amazingly generous family who has taken care of our every need and whim for the last three weeks. I can see him as he provided a apraxia specialist 30 minutes from the home that we have to live in. I can see Him... everywhere.
I don't doubt His care for us. I know He loves us. I know it deeply each time I look at my children and know I would never let anything but their good befall them. I know that He is my father and that He gives good gifts to His children.
So I focus only on today and I have no answers for tomorrow. Today has enough trouble of its own. I have no plan. I have less pride and I know I am weak and being carried by His hands that are greater than all.
How am I? I'm fine today. Just don't ask me about tomorrow. ;)
Instead pray for our tomorrow? Thanks. :)
4 comments:
beautifully written Bec. I'm sitting here at work, eating a taco, and crying at your words. You are right, God's hand is everywhere. He created Sierra-JUST AS SHE IS--and gave her to you. You were the mommy that God picked for Sierra. You will hear her sweet thoughts soon. I'm sure she will talk much about love, sugar, and friends. hehe ♥ you
I don't know either but He does. I have no doubt He is active and moving on your behalf. No matter how sad, frustrated, angry, confused you may be. He hears every word you cry, every tear you shed.
He is here, and we are here.
Loving you as big as everything!
Mom and Dad
Dear Becca,
I know it is so hard having these unanswered questions. I know it can be overwhelming to look at all the questions that keep piling up. I think it is wise to let go of the questions and to just keep moving forward for now--it is OK to not know right NOW. God has provided all you need. Give yourself time. Your world really won't fall apart because you don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week or next month or next year. Sometimes--lately I have been thinking my world is falling apart, but after a while, I've seen that it was all in God's magnificent potter's hands all the time, and that He is making adjustments to my vessel. Mending a crack, removing a shattered piece and reforming it to something new and glorious and useful to Him. For now, just breath in and out, and rest as He provides all you need. Soak in His Living Water so that you'll be pliable clay--useful for WHATEVER He wants you to do--even though you don't know yet. Enjoy the ride on the Potter's wheel--as dizzying as it may be.
I love you, and I am praying for you.
Megan
Oh Becca...I can only imagine how you must feel about all of this. I am so sorry! I am praying for you!
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