Is your wife home?

The other day someone came to the gate and was trying to sell honey. Peter went out and the first thing that the sales person asked was, "Is your wife at home?" Peter laughed. My reputation has proceeded me. It is hard for me to say no and this person knew that too.

It is not hard for me to say no to ridiculous things, and I don't think I'm a sucker. However saying no to poor people at the gate with perfectly good products is difficult. Saying no to people that need help is nearly impossible.

I've only done it once here in Sukhbaatar. Last summer a women was selling carrots at my gate. I said no because they were really overly priced and I didn't need carrots. She looks so sad. I nearly cried on the way back to my house!

I am home now in the good ole US of A and it is so wonderful. It is so clean and warm. The food is deliciously easy and good! Seeing my kids with their family is the biggest blessing. And I am caught. I am caught by the sad fact of saying no.

I was overwhelmed yesterday at church and could hardly hold myself together. I was crying all over the place and the "saying no" was so strong I could taste it in my mouth. I could feel it around my neck as I tried to hold back the tears so hard they choked me. I could taste it when I failed and the salty tears rolled down my face.

It is so clear that saying yes to Sukhbaatar is saying no to all these other wonderful, amazing blessings. I'm so sorry for that my dear, sweet, wonderful family and friends. I love you so much.

And this comes to mind...

Matthew 19

²⁸Jesus said to them, "I tell you the truth, at the renewal of all things, when the Son of Man sits on his glorious throne, you who have followed me will also sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. ²⁹And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or fields for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life.

Thank you for giving us up so gracefully and supporting us in this work. Your rewards will come a hundred fold as well of that I'm sure.