I'm babysitting this week. A three year and a five year old set of siblings. They are cute.
Sierra is home from school today. The teachers have a planning day at the preschool. When the three year old comes up to me and says, "I need something that I can roll up into a telescope because we are going to play pirates and follow this map." I smile make him a paper roll telescope and tell him, "that's a great idea have a good time."
Inside I shrivel up and cry. How is it that I've never heard my daughter share her thoughts, ideas, dreams, silly three year old wanderings? Those precious moments, that only existed in those uninhibited years, are lost.
She follows along and says, "Mar, mar mar." the other children march beside her. She is very happy. I smile at how brave she is joining in and always jabbering even when she is only understood 10% of the time. She never gives up, she usually has a huge smile for her friends (or a very loud scream, "MEAN!")
I hear the 3 year old say "our telescopes can turn into swords to kill bad pirates that kill babies, I can handle those guys!" (I'm typing what he's is saying now) Sierra runs off with them to save her precious babies. She is a good sport.
Last night at a sleepless moment, I felt as though I would cry and cry.
I know another child and mommy. That child has a much worse disability and speech delay than Sierra. The child recently got a speech device computer and she can communicate. Her mother keeps posting on facebook her daughters thoughts they have never known before. I am very happy for this family. I also envy them.
I feel like crying, but don't. I feel like maybe I should fast for a long time and beg the Lord to heal her. I feel like that would be a good idea. Then I fall asleep again...
I'm not as sad as this sounds, but its been one of those days I put on a happy face and keep going, but inside I just can't believe this is still happening.
On a happier note, Sierra did get enrolled in Jr. K and speech services in the summer! Thank you Lord!
6 comments:
words alone cannot express our sadness, I hope so much for Sierra to be able to speak so that we can know her better and she can express herself to us. Thank you for sharring your heart, I will keep praying. Can you get one of these speech device computers? Love You So Much, Mom
Dear Becca,
My heart hurts with you. It actually hurts right now. I want so bad that you can hear your daughters heart and silly things little kids say. I want to cry right now. I am so sorry that you hurt so much for your beautiful sweet, joyful daughter. We are powerless to fix her. God isn't but He has chosen this for her and your family. Why? I have no clue. I just continue to pray, and pray and pray some more. Trusting, hoping, wishing, expecting..... Thanks for expressing your pain and struggles. I love you so much!! Mom xoxoxox
Her good attitude is an inspiration. And so is yours!
becca, you are so strong. you amaze me with your strength! My heart aches along with yours that you cannot hear your sierra bear's thoughts. and, oh, that sierra. boy she is the most tanacious (sp) and positive little girl I know. this is combination is built into her heart in mind by her loving creator. and oh the blessing that she has been given these attributes! She is a happy warrior, that sweet gal. She will battle through this. GOd will give you what you need to stand alongside her and cheer her on. I am cheering with you. i love you.
Thanks guys! Today is a better day. No three year olds around to remind me of what is lost, so my head is happily in the sand while Sierra and Weston play downstairs.
I really appreciate every prayer and encouragement. I surely need it.
Sometimes God allows us to face a big problem to grow us, to cause us to look to Him for help, to glorify Him in some way that is impossible for us to know how right now because we see a dark, dim mirror picture. But He promises it will work for good and He promises to show us a way so that we can endure it.
Still praying for you, Becca and for Peter and Sierra in this most difficult challenge. I have had many similar thoughts when I hear our next door neighbor little girl playing outside talking in full sentences and making wonderful statements.
We need to keep hoping in the Lord. Keep trusting Him to take care of us in the challenges.
Thank you for sharing your open, honest feelings with us, Becca!
We will keep praying for Sierra's speech and ways for her voice to be understood!
We love you all!
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